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Funeral Etiquette: What You Need to Know

When someone close to you dies, it can be difficult to know what to do. Funeral etiquette can seem complicated and confusing, but don't worry - we are here to help! In this article, we will discuss the different things you need to know about funeral etiquette, such as what flowers to send for cremation, what attire is appropriate for immediate family members, and more. We hope this information will help make this difficult time a little bit easier for you.

 

Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow during the funeral or cremation service. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting.



What should I wear?

If you're not sure what to wear, it's usually safe to dress formally. If the funeral is being held in a church or funeral home, men should typically wear suits and ties, while women should opt for dresses or pantsuits. However, if the service is outdoors like at a cemetery or memorial park then casual attire may be appropriate. Most families will not mind if you wear black or dark colors, but wearing bright colors may offend them.

When should I visit?

Once you learn of someone’s death, visiting the family at their home is appropriate, but the funeral home is the best place to visit with family members and offer your condolences. For anyone wanting to visit and offer assistance to the family before services are held, these actions can provide additional comfort. Offering to bring food, household necessities, assisting with childcare and handling any errands or chores are a few of the things you can do to assist the grieving family.



What should I do when I arrive at the funeral home?

When arriving at a funeral home for visitation, it is customary to sign the guest book before greeting the family members. It is also appropriate to offer your condolences by saying "I'm sorry for your loss."

What should I say?

This is the most common question asked by someone wanting to pay their respects. While no words can adequately express the depth of a loss, offering a few kind words to the family of the deceased during a traditional service lets them know you care. Try to avoid airing your grievances or saying the deceased is in a better place now. Some good example things to say are:


  • "I'm sorry for your loss"
  • "My condolences to you and the entire family"
  • "My thoughts are with you all"
  • "My prayers are with you all"


If you knew the deceased, try to share a special memory about them- something that made them smile or laugh when they were alive. Avoid speaking ill of the deceased and don't be afraid to say anything at all. Sometimes just being there can mean more than words could ever express.

Where should I sit?

Many people attend funeral services and are unfamiliar with seating arrangements. Typically, at both the funeral and visitation service, the first rows of seats are reserved for family members. If you are not a part of the family, choose a seat behind the reserved seating.



Is it okay to use a smartphone?

It is generally frowned upon to use your phone during the funeral service. However, if there are important messages or updates you need to share with family members, go ahead and discreetly take care of that. Just try not to be too disruptive.


One thing to remember before entering the service venue is that you need to turn off your phone or put it in silent mode. If you need to take a call, it is best to step outside the venue until you're finished.


Can I bring my children?

While there isn’t a definite answer to this question, a child attending a visitation or funeral service depends on the situation or relationship to the deceased and their family, as well as the age of the child and whether or not they can appropriately behave. If you decide to take your child to any service, explain what will occur while at the service and how they should act during that time.



Can I take pictures during the funeral service?

Just like any event, taking pictures would be good to have something to remember by. However, it is considered polite to ask the immediate family if they mind before taking any pictures. Don't let the bereaved see you snapping pictures like it's a graduation party rather than a funeral. Going up to the coffin and taking a photo is considered to be very inappropriate. If you ever did manage to take a picture during the funeral, avoid posting it on social media.



What should I give?

Sending flowers to the funeral home or home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. In some cases, the family members may ask for donations to be made to a particular foundation in lieu of flowers, and those wishes should be honored. Bringing food to the grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss. A less expensive and completely appropriate option would be to send the family a sympathy card. There is no specific time or expiration on when cards can be sent.


How should I sign the guestbook?

A funeral guest book is a place where mourners can sign their names and leave messages for the family. If you knew the deceased well, it would be proper to sign your first name if they are familiar with it or offer condolences that are unique like “My favorite memory of ___ was when we went fishing together.” You might also simply say, “With sympathy” and leave it at that.



Now that you know the important funeral etiquette, we at Cremation Society of Utah hope that you will use this knowledge when attending a funeral or cremation service. If you need further assistance, don't hesitate to contact us at (801) 394-3569.


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